I know it shouldn’t bother me
I know I am a good dad, a good father, a good role model
I know it shouldn’t bother me
But it does
I am depressed more now than I ever was
I am sad, disappointed
I know it shouldn’t bother me
But it does
Do I even bother to ask why, how, when did this happen
For what reason? I already know the answers
Maybe it is my fault
Maybe I wasn’t around enough
Maybe I wasn’t there when she needed me most
I know it shouldn’t bother me
But it does
I am sorry if I have done something
That you don’t necessarily care for
I apologize for trying to give you a better life
There are so many things that I want to tell you
But I can’t
You wouldn’t understand, as much as your mom thinks you will
You won’t
You can’t
You just don’t have enough life experience to understand
So I hold it in, and that is dangerous
Because it comes out, but in negative ways
I know it shouldn’t bother me
But it does
Our relationship is fragile
And I don’t know how to make it stronger
I often heard just being there is half the battle
Well, I was there, I am here, and I am still losing
The battle
I am told she will understand someday
I don’t know if she will
Maybe when she has kids of her own
I pray that she does not ever have to go through
What she is putting me through right now
I know it shouldn’t bother me
But it does
I am sad
I am tired
I am just a shell of myself
If it ever gets to the point where it doesn’t bother me
Than I will know it is truly over, what we have, had, whatever this is
It bothers me
It does